It's Valentine's Day this week. Whether you celebrate it or not, whether you are partnered or not - it doesn't matter. This post is about YOU. If you are stressed, this is about you. If you are lacking energy, this is about you. If you don't know where to start, this is about you. Actually, it is about me too. I am sharing my work in progress in learning to love myself and take care of myself, so hopefully you can take something for yourself as well.
A key part of my work as an Occupational Therapist, is supporting children, and those who love them, with Self-Regulation. I particularly focus on the Shanker Self-Reg model, on which you can find more info here. Shanker Self-Reg is a process that involves five steps: Reframe, Recongise, Reduce, Reflect, and Respond. We can start at any one of these steps and often go back and forth between each for he steps. Today, let's explore the Respond step.
Respond: developing personal strategies to promote restoration of energy and resilience.
Last week I wrote about allowing myself to have a slow start to the year. This cognitive shift, was a strategy to help me bounce back from a busy end to the year and big trip away. By slowing down, I allowed myself to refill my cup, to restore my energy.
Fill your energy tank
Energy is finite. We only have so much. Stressors of all kinds - obvious and hidden - drain our energy tanks, often without us knowing it. Sometimes we end up running on empty. Often there are things we do, behaviours we engage in that are signs of a low energy tank - snapping at the kids, not being able to decide what to cook for dinner, reaching for another chocolate, crashing out on the couch, or scrolling and scrolling and scrolling.
Learning what works for me and what doesn't
I am learning to prioritise myself and my own energy. This can be hard. I have high energy kids, and a husband that require my energy, and work...and clients....and family....and....
Over the years, I have learnt more about myself as an introvert and a perfectionist. I have learnt that the energy it takes to be around people drains me quickly and I need time to myself to recharge. I am seeing the impacts on my children and family when I am not managing my energy. I am tires, cranky, snappy and literally feel like I have nothing left to give them. That is not what I want for my kids. By focusing on myself, on my own energy, although it can feel selfish and I battle with he mum guilt regularly, I know it is for the greater good. I want better for my kids. I want better for my husband. I want better for myself. I deserve better.
Take time daily
So what am I doing to fill my own tank? To respond my energy? To bounce back when my tank is empty? To learn to love myself?
Shifting my mindset. Having these conversations with myself, and my loved ones about why I need to do this for myself, so I can be a better wife, mother and human. I deserve better.
Working out what fills my tank. Time ALONE. I know many mothers dream of this foreign concept of time alone. The guilt for wanting it, for NEEDING it is real. My next step is scheduling this into my day and week. This is a work in progress.
One small change I have made it to change my perspective about my 40 minute community to work. Rather than a hinderance to productivity (imagine how much more 'stuff' I could get done in 40 minutes!), I can see this as my regular quiet time, and use it to my advantage. What can I do on my commute to enhance this alone time and add to my energy reserves?
Put the phone down! I am a serial scroller, particularly at night when my mind wants to race 1000 miles an hour. So I scroll, and scroll, and scroll to avoid those thoughts. Yet this maladaptive coping mechanisms is actually draining my energy, by not only reducing the amount of sleep I am getting, but also adding to the stimulation I need to process. So no more phone at bed time for me.
Moving and grounding my body. As school heads back, we have started walking to school on the day I work from home. Exercise. In nature. And I get to walk back home ON MY OWN! Boom!
I have also linked in with a community and signed up to yoga, which I haven't been to in almost a year. I have so many mindset blocks to going - took too long out of my day, energy away from other tasks I 'should' be doing, money I 'should' spend on other things and certainly not myself. But I deserve better. I need to fill my own tank.
I am a work in progress. It is a long road ahead. But I am putting one foot in front of the other and beginning to prioritise myself.
What about YOU?
What are you doing to love yourself?
What are you doing to prioritise yourself?
What are you doing to restore your energy?
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