In the lead-up to this month’s free Webinar, The Motherload of Stress, I am sharing some of the ways I manage my stress load.
School holidays, although I dream of them being laughter-filled, fun-mum, insta-worthy adventures and relaxing and restorative, are often the total opposite. I’m often juggling kids and work, along with my own expectations of what the holidays “should” look like. That on top of a never-ending piling of washing, torrential rain, muddy footprints (human and animal) through the house… certainly doesn’t feel like the relaxing, fun holidays I envision.
For somebody who loves routine (the brain loves it too – helps us feel safe), holidays can send me into a bit of a spin. Routine is off, things are out of order, kids are out of sorts. We all get pretty frazzled, pretty quickly. Then I get stuck. I kind of freeze. I know I need to do something, but I get overwhelmed and end up doing nothing. We sink into our ‘funk’ further and further and before you know it the day is over. And it’s felt like a big mesh or squabbling, whinging and yelling.
To keep myself in check, and manage my stress load, particularly in the holidays, here are my top 10 tips for managing the motherload.
Before you dive in – what works for me, may not work for you. Heck, what works for Me one day, may not even work the next. For me it is about a practice- a practice of pausing, of recognising my stress, and making small choices to help me stay regulated, (or get be back to calm once I’ve lost it!).
1. Give yourself grace
Be kind to yourself. Speak kindly to yourself. And don’t compare. Going easy on yourself, and recognising the stress you are under, can instantly lighten your load.
2. Small Steps
Choose one small step. Just one. One small step can be enough to get you started. Getting in the shower. Choosing something for breakfast. Phone a friend. Something. Starting with even the smallest action, can move you out of a survival state of freeze or overwhelm.
3. Move your body
So simple, but can be so hard when we are in a ‘funk’. For me it is the rhythmical pattern of walking, outside in nature that I love. Maybe it is a swim, stretch, run, walk to the mailbox or clothesline (small steps if you need).
4. Plan
I always feel better with a plan. It is just something my brain needs to feel safe and secure. Holidays put my usual routine out of whack and I need to have a plan - it helps me take that first small step. Now, it doesn't have to be anything elaborate. Somedays it is just a simple list or chat with the kids - walk, chores, lunch, free play. Other days I do a big brain dump, prioritise, schedule and cross things off.
5. Let go
This is a BIG one for me. One I am often practicing. When I'm feeling stress, I want to hold on to any sense of control that I can. But the more a tighten those reins, the more pushback I get from the kids. Where I can, I try to let go. Asking myself "How big is this problem?" helps me get perspective of when I can let go.
6. Listen - to yourself
Easier said than done. But this is your permission to listen to yourself and give yourself what you need. Heading out today too much? That's fine, stay in. Need a movie day on the couch? Great. Some time-out from your kids? you deserve it. Don't feel like cooking again? Order in. Tuning in to when your stress load is building and working out what you need to do about it is a lifelong practice of self-regulating. it stats with listening.
7. Listen - to some tunes
Music has an amazing pull on our nervous systems. Music can lift you up, or clam you down. Play around with it. Search 'music for.... calming/fun/dance party/concentrating/cleaning/pick-me-up', or anything that describes the mood you are after on YouTube or Spotify. 90's top hits are doing it for me at the moment!
8. Breathe
Music can not only change your mood through the rhythm and beats, but if you are belting out a tune or singing a long, it can change your breathing as well. Different breathing patterns have different effect son our nervous systems. Simply 'watching' or noticing as you take a few deep breaths, might be enough to re-centre you. There are a bunch of free breathing practices link these ones from headspace, out there too.
9. Meal Prep
I know this isn't for everyone, but it is for me. Knowing whats for dinner each night, takes a massive load off me when everyone is tired and hangry at the end of the day. This week I have take stock of what meat we have a chopped up a few nights worth of veggies - some kind of meat, some kind of carb (potatoes, rice, pasta), and steamed vege for the week. Nothing fancy here! A roast is my favourite as i can chuck it in the oven and do other things while it cooks.
10. REST
This might be the hardest one yet. Who has time for rest? Resting when you need to, when you have competing needs of children and 1000 other things you 'should' be doing can be a difficult choice to make. Another practice- the practice of listing to your body and choosing rest when you need it.
If you make it through the holidays and want to hear more about managing the Motherload of Stress, join me for the free webinar.
Have you got anything to add to the list? I'd love to hear form you and what helps you manage your stress load.
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