Over here in the Berry household, parenting feels relentless. I am hoping we are finally getting through a bit of a funk with weekly calls or emails from the school, and lots of sibling squabbling and us parents feeling like we don't know what to do most of the time! Truth is, most parents I talk to, are feeling this in one way or another.
It's easy to reminisce about those younger days when times felt easier.
(At least through rose-tinted glasses they do!)
Yes, we LOVE our kids.
YES, we'd do anything and everything for them.
And YES it is tough being a parent sometimes.
I think there's a combination of things going on for parents at the moment. The three-year covid hangover. The digital age. The ultra online connection, but lack of human connection. And just no time to do all the things, including being regulated and connected to our kids.
So what I am doing about it?
1. Working on myself
This is a biggie for me (and many mummas). Martyrdom is ingrained in us over centuries. Who puts everyone else's needs over their own? Who feels guilty the second they do anything for themselves?
Me. You?
I am working on myself by seeking out my own support and doing more of the things that support my nervous system (walking, mindfulness, fresh air, rest).
2. Habit stacking
It is so easy for me to 'give up' on the things I know I need to do and want to do to support my own nervous system and self-regulation.
So I set myself some little habits and build them into my daily life, one step at a time (Big goals, small steps). This started with a mindfulness track (a 'witness and accept body scan) I like to listen to. The speaker/author suggests doing it for 56 days to change your brain. I set myself this challenge and now have been listening for 112 days straight and counting!
I have also been walking every day so far this month! During the last 2 lockdowns, we walked every day as a way to get out of the house and maintain my sanity. I know this time outside, moving my body, in the fresh air really supports me for the rest of the day. I've even got in a couple of 'walk and talk' parent coaching sessions which have been GREAT! I find I am actually more focused on the parents as I am not so worried about taking notes and can really listen to the essence of what they are saying.
3. Loving kindness
For me, this is about being kind to myself. I am really tough on myself (it's the perfectionist in me). This is also why I find it so easy to set aside my own needs and focus on everyone else.
Kids baling at the idea of a walk - I usually give in and don't bother. But by being kind to myself and recognising and meeting my own needs, we are all better off.
4. Taking stock
I have been doing some reflecting and using tools like the f-words life wheel (this month's free webinar topic ) with my own kids. This has really helped me take stock of what is working well and what is going not so well. Taking stock helps me prioritise things, rather than trying to just do it all.
I feel so much less overwhelmed when I have a plan and direction.
Want to take stock of your days? Check out my free Daily Life Run Down workbook.
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